it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
