I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
