Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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