Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
