Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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