I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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