There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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