I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
