Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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