It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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