HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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