we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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