Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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