I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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