I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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