I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
