The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
