Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
