Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
