could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
