from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
