well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
