you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
