It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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