I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
