My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
