What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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