hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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