and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
