Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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