Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
