I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
