In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
birth control should be required to get into college
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just pee around me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
