In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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