I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
