two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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