Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
