No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
