That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
