I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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