I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
