Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
