her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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