A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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