Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
