I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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