just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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