I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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