If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
