i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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