Kiss
Puke
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize