3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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