is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
