i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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