if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
