If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
