i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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