You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Duck Duck Cougar?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
