Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
