You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't turn off my feet"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
