I just saw a hot homeless man
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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