I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
