Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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