1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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