he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Less talking, more tequila
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
